2010 in retrospective

At the end of every year, it's becoming a tradition to write about the year that has passed. Those 12 months, and 365 days, or 525600 minutes. Like the musical "Rent" sings " How do we measure a year? in daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, or cups of coffee? in inches, in miles..."

Work-wise i've developed my business a fair share, scored a business deal that has enough zeros in it. I've got a slew of happy problems. I understood a lot more about managing a big team, and managing others' expectations from me. I worked towards buying a Porsche, without feeling the pinch.

Of cos, at the time this blog post is written, COE (Certificate of Entitlement, a piece of paper you need to have a car in Singapore) is now pegged at over S$70k (est. 53k USD), for a car with a capacity over 2Litres. Pop goes whatever motivation i have to work harder. Maybe i should focus on handbags. In 2010, i bought less handbags, more love to Marc by Marc Jacobs and online shopping, due to the longer hours i clocked at work.

When one spend more time at work, the last thing i thought of doing is focusing on triathlon or swim bike run. No, i did not get fat. I actually feel leaned out. I lost muscles, i managed to still keep up my fitness a little, and eating a lot more right than usual. My skin's a little more fair. I drink and party far lesser than usual.

In May, i had one heck of an epic trip to Bali. Yea, 23 haters on board an airplane. Sure the trip tore apart some people, but it brought some closer to each other. I got nothing to complain. And i still have the same bunch of friends. Or more friends.

And you know what... the best way to end 2010 is to spend time with some haters, and have one heck of a time.

In December

December usually meant a marathon or 21km to mark the end of running races / triathlons i've signed up for the year. This has been the same thing since 2007. This year, I haven't been training much, leading up to the marathon. I chose to sleep in, or to go out to party up to relieve the work stress. For that, i paid dearly on the 5th December 2010. I took a really long time to finish the run. I deem that the walk of shame, and with bad tanlines to match. O woe is me! I look like i have a bad case of ugly stockings every time i choose to flaunt my legs. It's fashion faux pas all through the Christmas season.

Decembers also meant a lot more eating out, and a lot more socializing with friends over food and drinks. I told myself I am not going to put on more weight or i need to meet my resolution of getting toned & lean. Since i can't get toned, as i have no time for resistance training, nor any form of disciplined training, I might as well try to lose weight. While flipping a book, my sister and i chanced upon calorie counting, and how much calories do one human being use up a day.

Calorie counting is like weight watching, in a more detailed form. Every lil bit of food you put into your mouth is the calories. In case you think i didn't know that all along, i did. I'm just in denial. So now fried food and sugary stuff should be kept to a minimal. Did you know kueh tu tu has almost like 60 calories per piece? Or that McDonald's vanilla ice cream is like 150? Let's not even talk about cutting down canned drinks, and soda... my favorite coke. I'm such a coke addict. I wonder how much of a mess i'll be, cutting off anything i eat or drink on every whim. I am on day two now. You know, I might just survive this, for 2010.

Here's to a skinny bitch me ... for the end of 2010.

The return of the rice machines

Last night, as i was driving home, i noticed an EK4 egging cars on, meandering its way down the street. Life was good, just going with the flow of traffic, looking at an Naturally Aspirated (NA) car acting like an idiot, weaving in and out of the traffic. That is, until i noticed this loud blaring Evo zooming out from a street corner. Woohoo, time for some action. The EK4 swerved across three lanes, and then tried to stick to the tail of that turbocharged machine, refusing to let it out of sight. That moment was pure joy for me, as i let out a snigger.

It was that very moment i realized how much i love driving, and the cars. Of course, how big of an ah lian i truly am. I'm Eve, i love cars both NA and turbocharged. I am a ricegirl, and used to read Import Tuner within the walls of my college dorm. My dabbling with cars then were the 4G63 Mitsubishi Eclipse Turbos, the GT3000, and the RX7. Drag racing was a thing in midwest. However, I drove a simple Gen3 Volkswagen Golf cabrio, looking fly and basking in the sun and attention of a open top ride. Fast forward a couple of years, i am into a different breed of cars : continentals. I like the sound of the ferraris and the maseratis. And i would love a Porsche Boxster S. I can't imagine life not loving cars. However, any given day, i will dye my hair, get into tiny shorts, and a tube top, and jump at the chance to pose in front of a nice ride (my ride of cos). Even if I no longer had the same figure when i was 21 though, sadly :).

Today, I would still love to jump at the idea of driving my dreamcar around Sepang International Circuit, engaging the car with every turn of the circuit, and embracing that fun and excitement. But for now, i'm quite happy with the Mini, it comes with a turbo definitely.

the road onwards to another 42km.

15 days to marathon. tick tock tick tock!

Recently I started running. I finally decided I needed to get my game on (which is no game, to begin with) for the marathon. I finally accepted how absolutely unfit I am, engaging muscles that were left idle for the past months. It's all in past tense cos now i've been running. Twice a week, or thrice. Over an hour and half each time. The alarm bells went off, so let's get this party started.

Well, i started running partly due to the fact that my other half has decided he's gonna start to work out, that has upped the ante to me working out. He's more keen in muscle building, but throws in a few 5km runs here and there, and outrunning me each time we do so. I have to outshine, or at least try to. I can't win, when it comes to the boy. He's crazy, and he believes in method training, thanks to his programming mentality. So i've been going for hill repeats. They are short, they are intensive, and they're muscle numbing. Oooo, and they raise my heartrate to insane levels. And i enjoy the feeling of having a good workout. Ever the sucker for pain, i always return with grumbles, yet always managing to go a lil further, and more loops. I have to win in other ways that i can.

So i have only this to say to Singapore Marathon 42km course (all the way from Orchard to Clarke Quay to East Coast), like what Cee-lo sings, "f*** you". I'm going to finish the course, regardless of the pain and suffering. I am egoistic, and i can't take No for an answer, and most importantly, i figured what i am going to wear for my marathon this year. :) See you guys at the Singapore Marathon.

Run beside me

It's weeks leading up to the Singapore Marathon. My 3rd SCSM. I had to start running, whether i like it or not.

Along the way, i am thankful i always have good people around me, who would cheer me on to make sure i don't walk. Matthew o Matthew... come back soon, so we can go run. This year, i managed to somehow get Reeves to go along with my program. As he said : "I'm not looking at the calender, it always say i'm too late". Well said!

On Saturday evening, he decided we should run. It was a case of the storm chasers. It was wet and rainy, hot and sunny. One minute it poured, the next it drizzled, and then it stopped. We had to run, with little time to get our body prepped for the long distance. Well, of course, i walked a little. But i'm happy. Cos i clocked a distance that i haven't been doing in a long while.

Onwards for the week! Run....!

Shoulder pains

I work in IT. My work is mostly done over my 13 inch Apple Macbook Pro. I have an stretched muscle due to ergonomics. Obviously, my chair and my table are not of ergonomic standards. Tsk, so much for someone who is certified OSHA trained.

So post run on Sunday, i was talking to Kelvyn and Reeves about it. And this is what Kelvyn had to say

"you have not gone in your aero bars for far too long, that's why when hunched over computer will pain. Cos both are same position"

Repeat after me. WTF. Seriously, Kelvyn.

Hot hot hot

I can't think of a better word to describe the weather these past few days. HOT. My mom's been nagging that i am too sick to go for the New Balance Real Run. I've lost my voice and nursing this incredulous sore throat all week. But those who know me, would know i am insane, crazy, and never listening to the sound advice.

I was coughing when i woke up at 5ish am to conquer my 15km. I knew it's not going to be a good day, not when i woke up drenchedin perspiration. While i was out on the cross terrain of the New Balance Real Run. I kept gasping for air. And my poor ankle ( ok, i admit, i should quit getting on three or four inch heels, but i love them so much) had this swell that came on. I knew it's not going to be a quik run. I am going to do my personal worst timing. And darn right i was. I walked most of the way, i don't need to disclose my time.

I only have this to say : yes i could die another day, just not today.
And i will never ever go for a run longer than 3km on this kinda cough and sore throat, it's not worth it. I'm just darn glad i survived it, and made it home.

to run or not to?

After a series of lil runs i had this week, i succumbed to my illness --- bad ass sore throat. By that, i meant i brought sexy back. The husky, hoarse yet sexy voice has been here to stay. Minor pains here and there, mostly bodyaches, brought me thinking i am dead for Sunday's New Balance Real Run.

Yikes! Panic panic panic. It's now a day before. My voicebox isn't anywhere perfect. I still sound like i operate one of those chatlines, with a voice that lures everyone to go "sexy sexy". Now the decision is to be made. To run or not to run tomorrow?

Running out of a rut

It had finally dawned on me that I have barely two months to go. Yes, YongFeng, 7 weeks is a month odd. And those dreaded 42km across Singapore. It's a distance I have done a few times over. Why the fear? Tried going running a few times And I can't seem to overcome the 8km mark, how am I going to deal with those 42km?

I went down to east coast park to show some love to the guys running Newton 30km. I cant possibly envision running that far. It was weird seeing faces scrunched up in pain and dazed! Hui Koon and Enrico were zooming as usual. When can i ever run 30km under 3 hours? For now I am just worried about finishing.

Any brilliant advice? Anyone? I need to run 42km soon.

With a face mask on my face, I think the best plan i come up with is I will go running anytime I can whenever I can and preferably everyday. One foot in front of another, i will get there.

Headstrong and softhearted

I had a conversation with some friends today, mulling over the lack of preparation for the year-end marathon. I signed up in May, thinking "i have six months, why panic?". Wrong move, with the amount of fluctuations and changes i have with work.

With 9 weeks to go, i wonder about my plan for the race. I ran 5km last night. Then i knew it's time to panic. NINE MORE WEEKS! I told Matt "yea, i'll just keep running, unless money gets the better of me, and i chose to make money instead of running". and told others that "even if my head is willing, my heart is unwilling, then why force it?"

Then comes the term : headstrong and softhearted. I haven't heard other words that says the head is soft, and heart is hard. It just didn't seem right.

For now, i'll keep on running. Cos that's the only way i can do or panic, just barely 9 weeks away from 2010 Marathon. :)

the big 30 --- i wanna be a skinny bitch

I remember when approaching the "big" 2-0 then, that i had views and dreams that 2-0 is really very old, and filled with big dreams. And i even made a pact to marry a friend of mine, if i turn 21 and was single then. That rolled around, and i was attached to someone else then, so nothing came out of that.

The 20s was filled with excitement and partying, and making a new social market for myself. As i made my way to mid-20s, i thought how wonderful life is if i got hitched at that age and had a kid. When i started turning 27, i felt i wanted to conquer the world, and just focus on building a name and reputation in the telecomms industry. Towards the end of my 29s, the man who silently rooted for me despite all the ups and downs, decided to propose. I crossed 30 being engaged to the same wonderful man i knew.

Now turning 30 for less than a week, i went to do my first sunday run as a 30 year old, with Reeves hinting "it's because i am 30, and scared of being fat". Perhaps he's right. The next 10 would be a scary thing. Lots of changes in life. One thing's for sure : i wanna be a skinny bitch.

Pls pardon me while i slowly try to conquer the world.

Growing pains ...

I spent the weekend, celebrating Sandra's birthday (Happy birthday my bff 2010 and cheers to turning 30), and spending the entire Sunday with Purdue mates. Purdue --- something that can't be replaced in my heart.

Mark mentioned over dinner to his "friend" about how wonderful life would be if we all stayed at Hawkins, and how absolutely fun. His "friend" thinks it's childish. But hey, he's right. We all miss school days. I miss being worry-free, care-free, and of cos having a blast. I was the kid who goes to every class, but tries her best to stay awake. I was the kid who loves her car so much that she cries. I was the kid that listens to hip hop music, and loves her modern classical.

Now the kid is turning 30, and feels the greatest satisfaction is from her work, and being recognized for the effort. Another thing getting older is my car. My poor lil red monstahhh is checked into the workshop, and i got his "bigger bro" - the clubman, as a courtesy loaner. I still love cars, and still cry over my cars being sold / damaged. I think the clubman cooper is really nice to drive. With a longer base, it's more stable. Am i getting older? Nooooo... i still love my lil red monstahhh.

The turning of a decade

In a matter of days, i turn a digit older. And a new decade awaits. A decade gone by. When i was turning the big 2-0, i had my best mates with me, and i received a total of 13 soft toys, from Hello Kitty( i still have that) to Pooh Bears. I still talk to the same people from back in Purdue, and home in 310 (LA baby...). Even if we are miles away, i still miss them dearly, and we can always pick up where we left off.

Now i am turning 30. They say 30s is the new 20s. I wonder about the drive for life and think back on that wild ambition i had when i was going to graduate from Purdue. Sure, i wanted to be part of consulting / finance / banking. Ten years down, post graduation, I still am in banking, but on the side of being served and the one who owned a business that is bank-rolled. But still I am always surrounded by friends who are awesome, and constantly challenging my thoughts, while leaving me grounded.

I have friends, whom i don't believe would be the ones to get hitched, who are now in 2010 married with kids. I have friends who are still chasing that college dream of making it big in the market and rolling the dough. All of these friends make a part of me. I guess, to an extent, all the hands i've shaken, and the numbers exchanged, and the sms-es flying across the space, all these are the little things that make me who i am today. All the emotions, the tears, the joys, the sadness, the happiness.

In the past 10 years, i've gone through a life of no mobile phone to being totally dependent on a phone that has internet. I had a simple Intel Pentium 1 computer, and now i have a Intel Core 2 Duo computer. Technology has seen such huge changes. And i turn 30 with the Internet Service Provider's introduction of fibre network to my home. I came from T1, and dialup, just barely 10 years ago. I'm glad i was part of the change and progress technology has.

Aahhh, who would have thought life would present that many changes and challenges? From non sporty to loving triathlons or even 70.3, who would have thought that I would like that? Well, now for the biggest commitment in my life. I am turning 30 and i am getting married. :) Life's good.

Management of People's Relations, Moods and Tempers

Having studied human communications throughly, through a couple of semesters in college, i thought i knew how to handle and understand how people read each other, and understand each other. I was wrong.

I've been going through a very turbulent last few years with the office. The 9/11 crisis, the economic recession in 2009, and now the expansion, we've gone from free to very busy. I'm stretched to the limit, and i do think my fellow colleagues are too. Temperament flares, moods swinging in extreme ways, human behaviors at its worst ( or perhaps only i think so).

I've been blessed with a very good team. But even the best team goes through a spectrum of moods. It's in every human nature to complain and bitch. And not everyone gets along with everyone. And i understand that. But all I just pray in 2010, for the rest of the year, my team would be understanding, and come into office smiling, and have a happy mood when coming to work. And i've read that i should not embrace a "work sucks, i hate coming to work" and hating doesn't begat goodness, cos i believe if you're not happy, perhaps it's time you decide your future. We can't always have a happy ending, and not every year everyone can leave work early, and be free enough to go for a cup of coffee. Work is work; a company need to stay profitable or perhaps the company should close.

Go to work happy, and make it work for you.

If you hate it, perhaps it's time to go.

Live life as a Christian, and love thy neighbor as thyself.

Only then, will others know that we're Christians, and know that Christ is the way of life.

Amen!

A holiday for family? or for progress?

As i hear the F-16s' engines roar by my window sill, i can't help but feel the pride being from Singapore. It's the nation's 45th birthday. And the 10th National Day celebration i've been home from US. As with most public holiday, it's family time. Today i had lunch with mom over brunch. We had a good chat over how Singapore has grown, and how happy we are living here. I had a 2pm deadline for that lunch, and had to drop her off for her to do her own chores. I have a meeting. Yes, a 2pm meeting on a public holiday. A national holiday gazetted by the government, and more importantly, a holiday that should be very important to every Singapore citizen. Alas, work has to be done, and i went.

I walked out semi thankful it ended an hour 30 minutes. With a acne infection, throbbing pain, on my nose tip, i just wanted to have a stress-free day with my family and friends. Well, things are moving along. They have came to an understanding of the stress and the demands the market is moving at, compromising certain concerns that i have.

I am appreciative for what God has given me, and presenting the chance for me to grow up in a place where i love, and my family and friends. Happy Birthday Singapore!

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Over the weekend from Saturday, i had a dinner with my girlfriends, their husbands and the babies. Relaxing weekend, and i can't help but feel good about the weekend. Sunday was spent recuperating on the lack of sleep, but I went for a lil jog walk at Henderson Waves, Hort Park, to check that i can move. Well, i can't, but still i manage to workout a lil. And had a good night with my friends sharing waffles, burgers, while they had some beer.

Now that marks a very good weekend.

I lost my temper

I always felt that the customer is always right. Always always right, well there're always exceptions. I've been very exhausted from endless meetings, 12 hours notice period for meetings, and basically a change of my standard operating procedures.

Does the customer recognize the pain in making the contractors / suppliers go through, when you force a change upon them? Do they realize the efficiency of meetings and changes? You're outsourcing yet you choose to dictate how the outsource runs their companies. Errmmm... why outsource?

I've outsourced a number of projects out to other corporations, to ease my headache. In good faith, you trust these guys to do well. Just like a delegation of jobs to your subordinates or to your colleagues. You do it in good faith.

I do not disagree that sometimes the good faith the client has upon the suppliers is tarnished by a certain individual, and thus the need to impose changes and regulations to assure the quality, or even adding the pressure on others to confirm to more stringent controls. I cracked under these very sources of pressure given by other allies / rivals / competitors who dirtied the name and game of the business.

Ahhh, the perils of corporate world. Am i giving a damn about the pressure? No, i'm just going to pick and choose my battles. Am i ready to fight back harder? You bet your last dollar i am. :) Watch out world , here i come.

Choosing what to grow...

Being a businesswoman, i'm often faced with challenges. The same challenges i'm sure a lot of Small Medium sized Enterprises (SMEs) faces.

1. Financial Cashflow, Balance Sheet, Profit & Losses
2. Risky Business. Seemingly, the more risky the business venture seems, the more money it rolls.
3. What aspects do we expand, if forced to do so?

So what do i do? Do we try the new venture in baby steps? or go with a big bang? The everyday decisions that seemed to bog me down. I can't seem to go on any kind of runs, or workouts. Or am i just procrastinating them?

Whatever the case is, i am always sleepy.

Effective and Efficiency?

This week i spent a whole lot of time in external meetings. I wonder if i walked out having a better idea of what i was to delegate to my staff, or if i even had any understanding at all. What is the right amount of time for a meeting? Does it make effective communication? Does it boost efficiency?

Try six hours. I walked out monday morning, with a whole chunk of work waiting for me. I felt unaccomplished. I walked out none the wiser. I had no idea where to lead the team, nor to plan the next move. I had a similar lengthy meeting on Friday. I felt lost, and demoralized after. I had no questions nor answers, as i do not know what i was to do. No project details were ironed, but only touched on operation issues, which is to issue staff with certain weapons.

My own internal meetings are informal and lighthearted and no more than 30 minutes. Everything i would want to reiterate to my technical crew, i would have summarize and told them.

Having gone through two 6-hour-long meetings, one 3-hour-long meeting and spending more than 60 dollars parking my car in my client's office, enough is enough. A friend said a meeting over 60 minutes isn't effective nor efficient. And i wonder the extent to which i agree. I don't feel the amount of knowledge that i should have.

I think someone need a better agenda, a purpose, a direction.

Of breakups and emotional stress

Before anyone thinks i'm having problems, i am. That is, with work. Emotional, physically, and psychological stress. People control and politics, and skivers, and workers. And i have a less than 100 employees company. I marvel at huge corporations, with massive scaling processes, and wondered how they make millions of dollars and control millions of people. How a successful leader is born, or is that successful leader groomed. Questions that i try to seek answers for, and that might prove too hard to find. I need to walk it to learn it.

Is love like work that questions surround it? I question also on love and its complexity. How much hurt a person can cause, or how much time a person needs to realize love's gone? How does one handle breakup and relationship? Perhaps mom was right, i'm this stone-cold-hearted bitch. I don't believe in too much tears over a man, only over my late father whom i still miss and love dearly. He may have drilled in me that sense of thoughts like a boy, in his few years of life with me. I may be young, but he taught me to dream, taught me not to cry, and told me there's no point crying on things lost. I was made to throw away a toy, being a young toddler, and instructed not to cry. I may have whimpered a little, but that was all i could do. Or perhaps his death might have made me a stronger young woman, through my growing years, devoid of emotions from the taunting of strangers to family.

Or maybe i'm just insensitive and scared of being vulnerable. Tears, to me, are for the weak. And it's always about "i look so good, i look so good without you", so sings Ms Jessie James. I always believe time can always heal the pain, and maintained good friends to the ones i had once loved so much. Yet i wondered why my friends have such a tough time dealing with lost love. I definitely thank God for blessing me with good friends and love. And i pray the same for my friends to open their hearts and minds and to stop crying, cos crying doesn't solve anything. Moving on does.

Today, i'm still in love, with life, with work, and big corporations. And definitely, the man who has silently been my pillar of strength and support. Thank You.

Weight : Fat or Bulk?

I met a friend over lunch some time last week, and he kindly told me that i lost weight, resulting in me having this silly grin to my face that day. Truth be told, even if i have a tough tomboyish front, i have the same insecurities and nonsense any other woman have : my weight issue.

I dislike the fact i have flabby arms, flabby tummy, flabby thighs, flabs everywhere. I took up some sort of yoga-stretching whatchamacallit (alike to yoga, not quite yoga), coupled with my cardio sessions ( one running session and badminton session). And just leaving the rest to God to help me lose weight, through praying. Well that didn't pay off, i believe i was at my tonest during my run-up to Singapore marathon 2009, i should really thank Matthew for that.

I changed my diet, with the amount of flak and bitching the haters came up with. They were all on this no (low) carbohydrates diet : no noodles, rice, etc, and basically plenty of meat and vegetables. I can't deny my love for noodles, the Asian in me needs to have noodles, so i guess i have to just have more vegetables.

But i can't help but wonder, if my weight loss is due to bulk loss, or is it really fat loss? I haven't been exercising, definitely no more crazy swimming, cycling or running sessions. I'm just going about my daily duty and eat regularly. So i have definitely lost some bulk, and some color to my skin. But fats? I am not sure. Hmmm.... Now that gives me the reason to go out and get one of the fancy schmancy weighing machines to check it out. Time to go shopping!