Monday, February 16, 2015

2014 in retrospective

So a year has came and gone by.

"gotta tell them that we love them, while we got the chance to say"... seems to be the motto of the year. I've been culling off a fair amount of people. i may sound absolutely scroogey, but i sorta dislike crowds, dislike humans, dislike too much interaction. Maybe it's age.

I haven't really kept up a workout regime. I did however start doing more yoga. Yay to more backbends, and possibly, a unassisted headstand very very soon, maybe in 2015. Why do i choose something like yoga? Maybe it's age.

So to the 2014 that has gone by, goodbye ... you've been a year where i lost some friends, but got to know what matters, and what don't.

Friday, February 07, 2014

2013 in retrospective

The end of 2013 has gone by. And what better way to summarise the year up than to heave a sigh of relief. I've been through what i think is the toughest year in my life. In work & in play, and more so, in life.

I hope i have emerged a much stronger self. I do think i'm strong, to begin with, but i think the events in 2013 have made me even stronger than before. I believe tears are for a reason, and to let them flow when i need to. I learn that happiness is not just about your own happiness, it's about others too. I tried to be more patient with time, but that has been elusive, and i'm still trying.

I can only hope 2014 would be a year more of going back to style. Back to the drawing board

Friday, July 26, 2013

Defining one's resolution

John Mayer's Bigger than my body always makes me feel incredible, like nothing could stop me. I always felt resolutions made can be procrastinated. There's always tomorrow.

Yet there're times when life throws a curveball, and you realized that time may not be on your side. I read an article this morning on NYTimes' Life Interrupted : Making Resolutions. No one knows when a life altering experience can hit. No one knows if you could carry out your resolutions / bucket list.

It may be time to start now. Time to figure what's on your list, and starting checking them off.

Below is the article, from NY Times, by Sulaika Jaouad.


In my darkest days in the oncology unit, I promised myself that if I ever got into remission one day, I would become a stronger, healthier and better version of my precancer self. What could be a bigger inspiration to live a healthier life than surviving cancer? I imagined that once and for all I was going to become the kind of person who meditates every morning, guzzles green juice, does yoga and, on occasion, even runs a marathon.

Before my diagnosis with leukemia, two years ago at the age of 22, I’d always excelled at making resolutions. But I was never as good at keeping them. Like a lot of young people, I burned the candle at both ends, with an age-appropriate dose of invincibility. After working 100-hour weeks (or more) as a paralegal, my first job out of college, my way of letting loose after a long day was by meeting friends for cocktails after work, grabbing fast food on the go and staying up as late as I wanted. Resolutions came and went. I would get to them later, I told myself.

Then I learned I had cancer, and my life and my resolution-making were interrupted. Suddenly the scope of my worries had changed drastically. There was no time or space to stress over something as small as a three-day juice cleanse or a daily exercise program. Surviving my next cycle of chemotherapy became my singular concern.

Today, after two years of nonstop chemotherapy treatments, I’m finally getting some strength back. The future has been a place of fear and uncertainty since my diagnosis, but with only two monthlong cycles of chemo left, I’m looking forward to getting a glimpse of “normal” life. And naturally, as I’ve started to feel better, I’m also making resolutions again.

That’s how I found myself signing up to run a half-marathon, just eight months after undergoing a bone marrow transplant, a high-risk procedure that my doctors said was my only shot at a cure. Sure, I’d been bedridden for the better part of the past two years. And yes, I was still undergoing maintenance chemotherapy that left me so weak

on some days that even walking my dog around the block felt like a challenge. But I’d heard the stories of superhuman cancer patients who had radically changed their lives and who went on to climb Mount Everest or run ultramarathons. I wanted to be one of them.

I got a gym membership, invested in a pair of fancy new running shoes and threw myself into an intensive workout regimen. I was off to the races. I even posted a triumphant picture on Facebook: There I was, one arm outstretched in a fist above my head, taking my first steps on a new marathon-training program I learned about from an iPhone app.

But my big running dreams lasted about 12 days.

I began to feel a nagging ache in the arches of my feet, and more pain in my shins. I iced the affected areas and continued my training, but the pain got worse. I didn’t want to give up, as I had with past resolutions. Certainly, I told myself, fighting cancer had made me tougher than a few simple aches and pains. But within a month, even walking had become excruciating. I hadn’t just overdone it. I had really hurt myself.

That’s how I ended up back in the emergency room, hooked up to a morphine drip — this time not for cancer-related reasons, but to get X-rays of my legs.

Luckily, nothing turned out to be seriously wrong. But my doctors, who hadn’t known about my do-it-yourself marathon training regimen, ordered me to stop immediately and to go back on bed rest. Was I crazy? they asked. All I knew was that I was back to square one, lying in bed feeling defeated and discouraged as I dug into a bag of jelly beans (my favorite).

In retrospect, a marathon so soon after my transplant was never a realistic or healthy option for me. It did, though, teach me an important lesson: Surviving a health crisis changes you in real and profound ways, but it doesn’t magically transform you into a healthier or better person overnight. Cancer has made me mentally and spiritually stronger. But as my life starts to go back to normal, I find that some of my old, bad habits are still lurking in the shadows.

I’m still struggling to figure out how to turn my resolutions into long-lasting change, but I’ve learned this much: Getting healthy starts with accepting the fact that after two years of cancer treatment, my body has taken a hit. Getting healthy means listening to my body — and no longer comparing myself with other people at the gym. Getting healthy means being satisfied with small, sustainable, incremental changes to my diet and lifestyle. I wanted to go from zero to 60, but I’m learning to accept zero to 15.

For now, my only resolution will be to define what my own “marathon” is. Only I can determine that. That’s probably not just a cancer problem; it’s a human one too.

Monday, July 08, 2013

1st weekend of July

dinner. wine. awesome music. sleep. Gordon Ramsay. breakfast. hello kitty! pool. fat cow. tv. coffee. new glasses. prawn mee. tea. bros! church. brunch. jokes.

Possibly one of the best weekend i've had, for some time. 

Thursday, December 27, 2012

2012 in retrospective

I can almost smell 2013. Perhaps it'll bring better luck and good news.

2012 was with its ups and downs. I don't feel i have accomplished much. It's just been a year of trying to get by. Perhaps the most emotional moment came when i said bye to my red monstahhh. The sale was one of the hardest thing i ever had to do. But it made sense. 

I grew up, i think. Erik (my better, smarter, awesome other half) relocated to Bandar Seri Bengawan, Brunei. I had to slow down my lifestyle in Singapore, and start spending some time with him over in Brunei. That's what a wife is supposed to do, right? In exchange, i was gifted an M3. I'm still as into cars as i have always been. I guess it doesn't help that i love the finer things in life, nothing like a fine engine... and more clothes, bags and shoes.

I started amassing my love for shoes at an all new level : Louboutins, Jimmy Choos, Prada. I'm still a tyrant in many ways. I've been called the devil, the queen. The name so befitting i can't shake it off. Afterall, the devil wears Prada. Such is the weakness for the finer things in life.

I stuck to my new year's resolution. I got leaner, i don't think i can break the 48kg barrier. Sigh! I did love a whole lot more people who matters, i spend a lot more time with family and friends. It helps with technology advances like whatsapp and other online chat applications. Distances don't seem to mean as much. I made a trip back to HK, spent some time with my old 310 mates. I made a trip back to US, spent some time with my Purdue friends, my 310 buddies, and my family and my huge little Silas.

I started learning back golf. I love the game, i just need more time and practice with it. I can't be tiger woods overnight. I got back on the bicycle a couple of times. I did a few runs this year. I started doing my own indoor bodyweight workout. I could do a lot better, i know.

But you know what, i still live like i'm dying. 
Onwards to 2013.

Friday, October 05, 2012

goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend

The words of James Blunt's Goodbye My Lover plays through my mind.
An excerpt :

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.You have been the one for me

It's been a good five year run. One of ups and downs. One filled with happiness. One filled with joy. One with pain. One with tears. And one of fear. 

Now that i bid you farewell. Be kind to your next lover. 

Wednesday, August 08, 2012

home in the aaaaaammmmerrrricccaaaa!

In the last two months, i've been travelling a fair bit. I went back to USA for what feels like forever, but it's actually not even a month. From San Francisco, to Orlando, to Atlanta, to Nashville, to Los Angeles, i've gone through weather of 60s fahrenheit to 100s. I thought i was going to freeze under my light cardigan or suffer a heatstroke while walking my dog.

I had one of those holidays, that seemed to be always busy. I spent 4th of july in US. Now that's always the most incredible experience. Seeing fireworks, setting fireworks off, and getting all Amerrrriiicaaaannnaaa about it. I did a run with Robin and her triathlon team out in bay area. I hung out with my best mates ever out in the bay area, over the most awesome food : k-bbq, fine restaurants, pizzas and cakes. The great thing about being home is spending time with old friends, and being called 'ghetto'. I'm not ghetto, i'm the finest friend that's ghettofab. Loads of laughter and joy, just like back in Purdue. Everyone loves a good k-meal as ever. J-town in LA is always rocking as usual. In & out Burger have always rocked. Nashville has been wonderful too, despite the horrendous heatwave it had. My poor dog Silas suffered pretty badly, when i kept bringing him out for walks and jogs around the 'hood. Shared a whole load of happy times with the family... my cuzzzz!

Now that it's all settled. Time to get back to reality.
And lose that in&out burger loaded goodness i pile onto myself.

Friday, June 01, 2012

say what?

Through the months, i've been trying to get back to some sort of form. My body fat content is disappointing, a gf pointed out at my belly fat. I'm just belly happy with my life, and the way it's going horizontal, i think i hit an all time low.

So with news of Army Half being cancelled, and then Army Half coming back on the running calendar, I signed up. With full intent of shutting Yongfeng up, #likeaboss, after all he had one full year of bragging rights for being faster than me last year. I've heard it a millionth times : all by just a mere 20 seconds. So this year, i better try to make a good run for it. I have a month to train. I know it's only June, but i have a lot of traveling coming up. And a little pet project which is on the way. I'll elaborate at the next post.

The shit i hear all the time includes

  • "time to buy 4D, you're swimming"
  • "taitai... what the?!?"
  • "eh let's do xyz?', with me replying "i'm doing xyz already", and then ....
  • "if you are doing this, why aren't we doing a triathlon"
Ahhhh, well... events clashes with my schedule. my travel. my nail. my hair.

Thursday, April 05, 2012

More of a tai tai, less of a triathlete

Well, the first quarter of the year has gone. Time flies. I cut my hair to my triathlon days (circa 2007-2009) : short with bangs. Less well received, cos i'm fair and a lil less insane, and a tad bit more feminine.

Have i started out on my new year's resolutions? I tried. I can't quite understand where the time has disappeared to. These days, i'm more of a tai tai, far less from a triathlete.

I spent more time in golf, much more so than any other sports. Golf began in 2007, cos in my world everything's worth a shot. The ugly tan lines i now sport are almost as damaging as those of a triathlon, except i can't cover up. Thankfully these days ankle socks with heels are acceptable, for fashion. I did go cycle once, with Team HAS. Team HAS is inspiring, very inspiring, they are a bunch of hand cyclist who do triathlons. I've returned a couple of times to Monday Swim Groups. I've been doing my own runs, for now. I think i have a goal in mind : run the 21km races.

I did travel a fair bit in the last three months : Japan and Hong Kong. Both always just as fun and refreshing. I can't wait to spend more time snowboarding, or to hangout with friends in Hong Kong.

Now.... i'm in Bandar Seri Bangawan, Brunei. I'm doing what i call "my first week serving out God's word : Wives, submit to your husband". This is the first week i'm spending time alone with the husband with no disturbance, no distractions. O.. except these three lil cuties, which has me smiling all day.

Happy Easter Weekend, y'all. 
Remember it's Holy Week, be kind, and forgive & forget.

Wednesday, January 04, 2012

2012 Resolutions

I had one of the rarest New Year ever. I didn't spend it drunk, i was completely sober. I spent time with family and different groups of friends, had a lot of food, lots of coffee, and lots of laughter.

I suffered a mild heart seizure (very mild!) but that shook me awake. I do get chest pains now and then, but this was weird. A few friends asked if i was getting heartburn, since the feeling of a heart burn and a seizure are similar. I was pretty sure it wasn't a heartburn. That 30-seconds episode on 1st January 2012 shaped my resolutions.

For 2012,

  1. i will try to be even more leaner than i am now. And fitter. Yea, i lost weight by end of 2011, but got to keep the pounds off yo!
  2. I resolve to declutter. Ahhhh Yes, more decluttering. Try to keep things simple, when my life is really just like a TVB drama. I love drama & action so much i'm addicted. The only way to more calmness is to declutter. Like in 2011, the papers had said Truth hurts, and it still does... DECLUTTER
  3. I will give more love to people who matter. These days, i walk with optimism in hand, and letting go a lot more. Around Christmas of 2011, a friend said to me that i'm very forgiving, something i felt shocked about. I felt touched by his words, but he may be right. I've learnt to let go of people's mistakes and what they do. We're all friends. What's a little conflict or misgiving?
  4. quoting Kris Allen's song "live like we're dying", that's exactly what i'll do. When you choose to follow such a mantra, you would live and let live. A Facebook status i read recently wrote the words "never regret anything that makes you smile". I love that, don't you?
2012 is the year of change. I'm ready....