While out for dinner last night, i had this weird eureka! moment of sorts. Maybe i shouldn't describe it as a eureka moment. I do know i've put on flab. I saw it with my own eyes in the fitting rooms, as i went shopping.
Waiting in line for the dinner table to get ready, i remarked to my friend about the need to lose weight. Sigh, this is where the peer pressure sets in. Most of my friends are tiny, skinny, and young. Me? I have nothing to fight. As the reality of turning 30 sets in, i realized how absolutely unfit i am for a beach holiday.
With that in mind, i struggle to kick my badass soda habit for a month, and start my ass running.
I need a fab body in a month. Tell me how? This was my resolution for every year. I haven't got started on it. Sad but true.
As i drove home earlier from Monday night yoga session, i tuned into the local radio stations. The song "Lose Yourself" by Eminem was on. I remembered Ben, and had a smile on my face. It was one of the songs he told me he would play before he set off on a ride. It would psych himself up in anticipation of the fun and the ride. Each time i hear it, it reminded me of him, i remember psyching myself up for the ride ahead.
I got home, and got an email from a kind someone who remembers Ben. He wanted to know about a certain object and googled it. And out came the link :
It's a rainy Monday. I woke up, feeling all ready to battle with my work problems. Work went well, surprisingly. Sometimes, when technical or manpower deployment issues are not considered the worst of the list of issues at work, it's usually the interpersonal relationships at work : the politics and the temperaments of employees. Sometimes, some things are better left unsaid, and let it sort itself; other times, it's best to just nip it in the bud.
A friend informed me about his mentor's stroke and his depression. I can empathize with the mental struggle and torture of seeing someone important lie in the bed, in hope for a gleam of hope that he will stand up again and sit next to you to enjoy that nice beer.
I went on the rest of my Monday, and wondered about the failure of replies of the text messages from my fave yoga teacher. He's young, vivacious and infectious with his laughter. I love his stories about the different food places he would go to, and his funny antics. I like that he bothered to know us, and to know we're lazy and cheeky. When i walked into his class today, i realize his mom was taking over his class, and i thought "oh maybe he's down with cold / tummy ache again..." Then his mom informed us at the end of class that he seemed to have a cancer relapse, and is going to get his blood tested. My heart sank. My sis looked stunned and sad, and said "i don't wanna do yoga, if i don't see him". We love him to bits. And we hope, pray and wish from the bottom of our hearts that he will recover.
Please, 老师, be strong and fight it. We miss you a lot, and your funny stories about food and life. See you in class soon.
"He will make a way, when there seems to be no ways.
He works in ways you cannot see, He will make a way for you and me..."
Lyrics that i have sung, as a little kid in Sunday School. Lyrics of a song that i never fail to hum even as i grow a little older each year, as i truly believe in my faith and religion.
I have been down and despondent, sometimes even unmotivated, to make changes of any sort. Be it with work or with sports. Well, i've been getting reminded of the impending temporary halt to the project that kept me overly occupied for two months, and that calling to return to swim bike run.
The calls of visiting too many shops, making me lusting after new carbon bikes, and the numerous websites i am looking at to look at bicycle parts. I haven't found time to cycle yet, perhaps soon.
I did go for a swim. Albeit a funny one, cos i barely swam 200m, when thunderstorms came and save me from being an embarrassment to my own fitness that i can barely swim these days.
Ahhhh... and running! maybe i will succeed soon enough.
For now, learn to relax and sleep more... as i watch Take That sing their lungs out on the telly.
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned in life: It goes on." ~ Robert Frost.
How true. It's been a few weeks since Ben has passed on. The wounds are fresh, but our lives moved on. Friends and customers have been asking me about my absence during the point of time when Ben laid in the hospital fighting to live on, till the day we sent him off to God. I felt the importance to continue relating the incident and the amount of pain we, as friends, are going through, as we watch his once vibrant vivacious life slip away. The importance to remind everyone how fragile life is, and to watch for the safety of cyclists on the road.
I've been talking to Mr. E over the incident and told him it's important to tell everyone when they asked. We talked about the amount of media frenzy, and the aftermath of the incident. It's in our hearts that some action would be taken by the local community over the awareness of cyclists sharing the roads. But as Mr. E would say, this comes with a price. And at what price?