The 8 reasons why i avoid "auntie" wedding dinners...
- I get bored. really bored. read : SUPA DUPA bored. i don't know anyone. everyone on the same table are typically from same "auntie" group. i don't even know why i am made to go there.
- "Auntie" group is normally made up of a group of mahjong playing / karaoke frenzied / cha cha dancing / community centre cooking class friends, associates, or chums. Which equate to me not knowing jack to start a conversation.
- I am forced to eat so much. every auntie & uncle on the same table would always start " young people should eat more to grow stronger, taller", which got me thinking "what taller? i'm already quarter century dude. no more growing, my puberty is over".
- I am designated driver, since mommy's drinking with her friend whose kid is getting married, and also doubles up as driver for the rest of the "auntie" group who stays in the same area.
- I become everyone's lil' resident 女大十八變. Everyone coos "wahhh, so big already", which got me thinking "what grew bigger? my boobs ain't growing big, i'll be jumping through the roof if they are. my waistline is remaining constant, no thanks to growing fat."
- I get lectured. Uncles & aunties going "why not eating this? why not eating that? why are you now not doing this?" Errr... alloe, i wish i can sing "it's my life, don't you forget..." Like as though it's going to affect them, if i skip that bit of fried chicken with garlic. Come on, fried chicken with garlic, how can you eat such nasty stuff?
- I'm forced to become a mannequin. I can already hear my mom going "wear this & that, put some makeup on, and smile". I ain't going to impress Auntie A's son, or Auntie B's son, i'm dolled up to be my mom's lil' pride & joy to tell the world she has a daughter that is gorgeous. err,... wait a minute, i'm so sure most aunties know that already.
- THE ULTIMATE REASON why i dread "auntie" wedding dinners : I hate being asked by all the aunties "when are you getting married". My current classic retort : not before i am 30. Their next attack would be "Oh no bf? i introduce Auntie A's son to you", which makes me wanna jump out of my lil' frilly dress to bitchsmack them and yell "i'm gorgeous, i need no introductions.
Why did i list 8 reasons? because it's Cheena wedding dinner, auspicious ma...and aunties love the number 8, and the whole 發啊 mindset. If you ever need more reasons, holler back at me. Do i really need to be asked When am i getting married?, or I introduce you to so and so?, NO, of course not... i am gorgeous.
5 comments:
I used to hate going to weddings where family was present.
Each time uncles and aunts came to me and slapped me on the shoulder and asked: "When's it your turn?"
They stopped doing that when I started doing the same with them at funerals.
very well written!
and CNY is gona be a repeat of afew of the abovementioned points, albeit with not-so-close relatives instead of aunties and uncles (oh, they still are aunties and uncles). urghx
Thankew all.
Commoneo_sensus : no i don't really give a hoot. My job is to smile smile smile. Now once more, SMILE SMILE SMILE and look pretty.
PP : ohhh desperately trying not to think about it.
agagooga : hahaha the same retort a fellow friend told me to use. but it's too mean. can't use it
hahaha thanks for the comments. as a new 40 something lucky i still have something to connect with the youngs...
like
latest internet download,
hottest computer games in town,
univ days (local grad)
soccer
take your hints will never ask things that u guys dread!!
you ain't that pretty what.. lol i tot u were some babe looking for rich guys. *tsk tsk* not even qualified for "average singaporean girl" look. CMI
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