"EFFECTIVE OCTOBER 17, 2008
NEW OFFICE POLICY
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management
Pass this on to all who are still employed!"
I got the above off the Trifam forum. It's such a hoot.
That being said, this is my view on the current market, and my everyday political situation in my office. I am a blessed boss, i would like to think. Low turnover, great projects, very few problems on site, my employees are efficient in clearing my problem. You would think life's going great. Except one thing : they like to talk.
We're very hands-off boss. We give you job, you finish your job, we don't talk. We don't really give instructions, we hand you the project, you finish your job, we don't talk. Yet, they like to talk. Unhappy with the work conditions, unhappy with their pay, unhappy with the prospects. But here the company stands, it's been a good 10 years. We're still standing. There was this saying : "Starting a business hard, keeping it going is harder".
I often told my mom "if they are unhappy, just tell them to resign. If there're really better prospects outside, just tell them to resign". I like to think i'm very new-age in terms of management skills. I believe that as employee, unhappy just leave.
Of cos, you would always think that the grass is greener on the other side.
But is it really?
